Presented with “tongue-in-cheek” as they say and – full disclosure- a small measure of AI assistance. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any condition. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Please do not feed the animals, touch the art, or lick the handrail, save this for the windows. Please do not rearrange the furniture. You know, all the things.
0. Realized We Were Already Pretty Cool and Just Needed to Chill a Bit
Not really a ‘step.” A realization. You know, “Every man and every woman is a star” and all that.
1. We admitted we had temporarily lost track of our True Will—and also our wallet, our relationships, our job, and most likely our dignity. Maybe even our freedom.
Turns out, “Do what thou wilt” isn’t the same as “Drink everything within reach and ghost your probation officer.”
2. Came to believe that a Force greater than our self-loathing could help us stop spinning like a metaphysical fidget spinner.
Call it the Universe, the Holy Guardian Angel, or that weird sensation you get when your third eye gets a pop-up notification.
3. Made the decision to align our will with something deeper than shame, guilt, and impulse control.
Hint: “Do what thou wilt” does not mean “Do whatever damned fool thing you want.” That’s Do what thou wilt’s embarrassing cousin.
4. Made a fearless and thorough inventory of our shadow side, using journals, tarot, and just enough sarcasm to survive it.
Bonus points if you accidentally summoned your inner child and gave them a juice box.
5. Admitted to ourselves, and maybe one actual human being that our ego had been driving the bus—and it’s been mostly on fire.
Extra credit: Try not to make this a monologue. Listening is a magical act.
6. Became entirely willing to let go of the parts of ourselves that think shame is a personality trait.
Yes, Karen, we can be sober without becoming moralizing robots.
7. Humbly—well, okay, sarcastically—started thinking about designing a ritual to help us stop self-sabotaging every time life starts going well.
Because humility is hard, but so is detox, and you probably already did that – at least once.
8. Made a list of all the people we’d pissed off, ghosted, stolen from, hexed, or trauma-dumped on.
Try not to alphabetize it unless you’re avoiding feelings.
9. Made amends to such people wherever possible, except when it would make things worse—or involve your ex.
“Amends” is not the same as “Reopening a karmic dumpster fire.”
10. Continued to take personal inventory and promptly admitted when we were being insufferable again.
Especially when tempted to use “Do what thou wilt” as an excuse for stealing someone’s vape.
11. Sought through ritual, meditation, and really weird dreams to deepen our connection with ourselves, seeking only for guidance—not for a winning lottery number.
Unless your True Will is to win the lottery. Then, obviously, Do what thou wilt.
12. Having experienced a mystical (and mostly coherent) awakening, we tried to carry this vibe to other lost wanderers, and to keep practicing these principles without turning into a Thelemic cult leader.
Lead with compassion and empathy, not cosmic smugness. By the way, thinking one’s self a “natural born empath” is, frankly, stupid. Empathy is a skill set.
Final Word from Brother Aleister (Probably):
“Magick is the art of causing change in accordance with Will—not shame. Let’s keep it that way.”
